You Keep Dating the Same Person Over and Over | Sex With Emily

EPISODE SUMMARY

#SexWithEmily #EmilyMorse

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In this episode, Emily sits down with Amy Chan—founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp and author of Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart—to explore why we keep choosing the wrong partners and how to break the cycle. Amy shares her revolutionary 12-person dating experiment that forces clients to date outside their type, revealing how our "type" isn't about physical traits but the emotional patterns we unconsciously repeat. From spotting unavailable partners to understanding the difference between passionate love and companionate love, this conversation reframes dating as a discovery process rather than a high-stakes audition. Amy breaks down why great daters often struggle in relationships, how to recognize your recurring emotional patterns, and why your best friend you want to make out with might be the person you've been overlooking all along.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Your "type" is an emotional pattern, not a physical one—by identifying the five main emotions from your last three relationships, you can spot the cycle you keep repeating (like anxiety from chasing unavailable partners) and consciously choose different experiences

• The dating experiment that rewires your brain—dating 12 people outside your type without getting into a relationship removes the pressure of finding "the one" and trains you to be present, recognize how you actually feel with someone, and notice who genuinely treats you well

• Why passionate love fades and what replaces it—the neurochemical high of early romance naturally transitions to companionate love, and understanding this shift helps you stop mistaking familiarity for incompatibility and start building the deeper intimacy that sustains long-term relationships

• The dating funnel approach—treating early dates like lead generation (just asking "Am I having fun? Do I want to see them again?") instead of evaluating someone as your future life partner eliminates job-interview energy and lets authentic connection emerge naturally

• Stop performing, start choosing—moving from "waiting to be chosen" to actively selecting partners based on how they make you feel (not just how they look on paper) puts you in control of your romantic life and attracts people who appreciate your authentic self

This episode is sponsored by…

Bellesa EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE toy or gift card! https://www.bboutique.co/vibe/emilymorse-podcast"

Bathmate- https://bathmatedirect.com/sexwithemily/v4/podcast

Timestamps:

0:00 - Introduction

2:04 - The Dating Experiment: Why You Need to Date 12 Different People

4:28 - Breaking Your Height Requirements & Dating Outside Your Type

8:14 - Why Values Matter More Than Job Titles in Dating

9:36 - Processing Your First Breakup & Emotional Baggage

15:14 - How Breakups Create Windows for Life Transformation

20:08 - The Chemistry Compass: Why You're Attracted to Unavailable Partners

27:30 - The Dating Funnel: From Lead Generation to Long-Term Commitment

30:12 - Why the First 2-3 Months of Dating Don't Count

32:43 - Intermittent Reinforcement: The Slot Machine Effect in Dating

40:11 - Overcoming Sexual Performance & Finding Authentic Pleasure

46:27 - Building Your Trusted Circle Before Dating Again

52:35 - The Two Stages of Love: Romantic vs. Companionate Love

58:12 - Q&A: Should I Keep Sleeping With My Ex?

ABOUT EMILY:

Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex.

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